Not meant to be offensive… just amusing! People are just downright funny when you think about it! Laugh at yourself first and it will change your perspective. We are all unique and have personal experiences and upbringings that have shaped us into the people we have become. But one thing that ties us together is the ability to laugh at our foibles. We love people and we find humor in every day situations. Try it. Your quality of life will improve!
One day my friend and I were having lunch at a small bistro in town. After eating, we decided to try out the newest nail salon which was all the rave. We heard that it was pristine and the owner runs a professional, “tight” ship.
Upon entering the salon, we noticed that the place was completely white, as if it was really meant to be a hospital. All of the instruments were sealed in plastic and when unwrapped were placed in a tray under a UV sterilizer. All the Nail techs wore white spotless uniforms and their hair was pulled back tightly in buns. The male techs also wore white and had very short cropped hair. As we passed through the door my friend grazed the edge the door jam and scratched her arm. It seemed like a superficial scratch and it didn’t even hurt her, so we continued towards the reception desk. The young Asian woman greeted us with a forced smile and in a very thick Korean accent said intimidatingly, “You have appointment?” to which I replied with trepidation, “No, um, no we don’t, but we both want pedicures.” With agitation and reluctance, she motioned for us to go back to the pedicure chairs and she said, “Number 4, number 5.” We dutifully proceeded to sit down in chairs 4 and 5. The water was soothing and we just started to relax when my friend’s nail technician said something under her breath in Korean to my nail technician. They spoke so quietly yet they seemed to understand each other. Then both of them glared at my friend’s arm, and that’s when we noticed that she was bleeding profusely. She must have hurt it worse than we originally thought because they quickly shot up and got paper towels. They gave them to my friend saying quite hysterically, in their thick accents, “You bleeding, put pressure on arm, you make mess in here! No bleeding on floor!” Their accents were so thick, that at first we thought they were saying she was breeding! My friend, quite shaken from all the antics, frantically put pressure on her wound as the technicians kept shouting at her. After what seemed like an eternity, the bleeding stopped. They quickly took away the bloody paper towels and things seemed to settle down. The pedicures continued and we began to relax again. We turned on the massage feature in the chairs and they brought water with lemon for both of us. It was lovely, we were in heaven until my friend’s nail tech clipped her toenail too close to the skin and once again she started to bleed! This time from her toe! That’s when all hell broke loose in the cleanest nail salon in entire universe. All the nail techs in the place jumped up and ran over. My nail tech angrily asked my friend, “Are you homopheliac? Are you?” I think she meant hemophiliac, but at this point I wasn’t going to correct her. My friend quite shakily answered as her tub water started to turn red, “No, no I’m not, you cut me with the clippers.” Now the entire staff became involved in bringing over paper towels. Patrons were leaving their stations to see what the ruckus was all about. It became very embarrassing but it was about to get much worse!
Oh boy! Did it get worse!
Just then, everyone’s attention was drawn to the back of the salon as the door to the waxing room flew open, and out came the salon owner, and I swear he was the spitting image of Kim Jong Un. No kidding, for a hot second we actually thought it was him! He had the same haircut as the North Korean dictator and upon further inspection, we noticed that he was also wearing the same ill fitting poorly tailored black pinstriped suit that the dictator is often pictured wearing. He even had it buttoned all the way up to his neck! He stood motionless for a few seconds and he was holding a wooden stick covered with hot dripping wax. The entire place fell silent. For a moment, I thought he was going to cauterize my friend’s cut, or worse: torture us with the hot wax. But, when he finally spoke he said quite loudly and in the thickest accent I have ever heard in my life, “YOU BLEEDING, YOU LEAVE SALON NOW!” He was brandishing the hot wax stick through the air as if it were a weapon, and wax was flying everywhere. He continued, “NO BLEEDING HERE, THIS NOT HOSPITAL! YOU CANNOT STAY HERE, YOU BE HERE TOO LONG, YOU BLEED IN SALON, LEAVE NOW! YOU CAN’T GET SPARKLE FOR 5 DOLLA MORE!” We were completely freaked out, it was way too much for 2 middle aged Jewish woman to handle. We got up with wet feet, (in my friend’s case it was bloody wet feet) and ran as fast as we could out the door as we heard him scream one last time, “YOU BLEED TOO MUCH, THAT WHY YOU GOT NO BOYFRIEND!”