Part of the Jewish Godmother series….
For those of you who are unfamiliar with our beloved Jewish Godmother, you can read parts 1-4 of our introduction series on this blog.
Hello friends. It’s me, your friend Jose Flores de las Guiterrez Perez de Fernandez de Leon de Jesus. I know it has been a while since I last told you tales of the infamous Jewish Godmother. But now I am back from my trip to South America and ready to share more. This story in particular is one that I will certainly never forget. The time our dear Don Bubbieberger was almost led into temptation by evil forces!! Yes, this wonderful gem of Brooklyn had a tough decision to make, and I was there to witness the whole thing. So, sit back, relax and I will tell you all about it.
It was a slow day at the deli, the godmother was taking a day off from her usual grinding schedule and sat in the back eating kreplach and knitting a scarf for her granddaughter, Rivka Malka. A sharp dressed man in a pin striped suit and a fiery red colored bow tie walked into the deli. He had dark hair, a pointed goatee and piercing green eyes that seemed to look right through me. He spoke in a low monotone voice as he asked to see the Godmother. He did not have an appointment but despite my efforts to get rid of him, he persisted.
I went behind the screen from Chinatown to tell godmother as she was knitting away. “There is a strange gentleman waiting at the counter who insists on seeing you.” She responded, “Jose, can’t you see I’m busy? No appointments today!” I then replied, “Bubbie, he won’t take no for an answer.” Holding up her knitting needle she retorted, “Maybe he’ll take this up his tuchus for an answer!” Suddenly, I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye. It was the stranger, he was right next to the screen but we did not even see him come in! How did he suddenly appear? He then spoke in his deep voice, “Now, now Don Bubbieberger, no need for hostility, you really should be happy to see me, after all, I brought your favorite flowers.” A pot of flowers seemed to magically appear in his hands. The godmother blushed as she saw the flowers and exclaimed, “Ruby Begonias? How did you know? Where did you get them this time of year?” He simply replied, “I have my ways.” The godmother handed the plant to me and motioned for the stranger to sit down.
Don Bubbieberger addressed him, “Ok, mystery man, you have peaked my interest, what can I do for you?” He answered, “It’s what I can do for you, Sylvia.” At the mention of her real name, The Godmother’s spine stiffened and her eyes widened. You see my friends, for very few people know her real name, let alone use it! The last time she heard her real name being uttered from somebody’s lips was at her own Bat Mitzvah many moons ago. She stammered, “How do you know…who..who are you, where are you from?” He said, “I’m from down south, way way down south.” She replied, “Fort Lauderdale? I have cousins who live in Tamarac, maybe you’ve heard of them!” He said, “Oh, even further south. Anyway, I can tell by the way you handle yourself that you are a very motivated lady, always striving to be more powerful and influential.” She replied, “Well my humbleness prevents me from accepting such a compliment, even though it may be very true, I just do this to better the community I live in.” In which he replied, “The community, I see,” as he scratched his goatee, “What if I proposed a deal to give you more influence outside the community?” Don Bubbieberger replied, “I already have a piece of the action in all of Brooklyn!” He cackled, “Why stop at Brooklyn? Why not another borough?” She thought for a moment, and then said, “Right, why stop at Brooklyn, there’s more to New York than Brooklyn, although some might disagree.” He answered, “So, I can help you achieve more, let us collaborate and make a deal!” “Maybe,” she answered, “but what do you want in return, no one makes a deal for free.” He straightened his red bow tie, and said, “I want your soul!” Don Bubbieberger then pointed towards the fish counter in response and said, “That’s easy! We got the best sole up front for $18.99 a pound!” Upon hearing her comment, the stranger laughed deeply, he was quite amused, “Sylvia, my darling, you misunderstand, I meant your neshama, your jewish soul, I can never get enough of those.” The godmother, quite taken aback, started rocking in her seat and proceeded to think out loud, “You know my name, you come in here without an appointment, you bring me ruby begonias, and now you want my soul, who are you really? Are you from the IRS, is this an audit, or are you from the JNF or the UJA? Do you want money, I already give a cut of what I make to all the Jewish non profits! You don’t need more!” At that he replied, “Sylvia, let me cut to the chase, money has no value in my dominion…. which is HADES!!! At this moment I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it was El Diablo right here in the deli where I worked! I was so frightened I wanted to leave but I knew the godmother needed me. The godmother screamed, “Get outta my deli you Lucifer!” He replied, “Well since we are on first name basis, I prefer Luke for short.” She kept screaming as she prodded him with her #9 knitting needle, “I don’t care what your fakakta name is, I don’t do deals with the devil!” He smirked, “Oh you will, in time Sylvia, in time. I don’t give up so easily, in fact I rented a flat next door, I will be in touch.”
She then stood up and screamed to the back room, “Avi, we have a problem, the devil moved in next door!” At that Avi replied, “What? Ehhh… did Trump buy the building?”
To be continued….
(You can Click on our team follow through link or the related posts below to view Jewish Godmother parts 1-4)