The Jewish Godmother part 3…..

So I ended the last segment with the Godmother throwing hot borscht in Alejandro’s face..I will continue…

The Godmother’s friend Lucille was on her way out of the deli but someone entering caught her eye.  She then rushed back to the Godmother as she said breathing heavily, “Olga Davidovitch just walked in! She’s getting rugelach at the counter now, She’s Russian and she’s such a yenta, I bet she knows about the illegal high stakes mah jongg game!”  The Godmother barked, “Lucille, on your way out send her back.”  

Olga Davidovitch was a strong, stocky woman in her mid 50’s, she walked to the back of the deli clutching her purse and clenching her teeth.  

“Olga darling,” piped the Godmother, “Do you have time for a game of mah jongg, you do play don’t you?”  Olga stammered in a thick Russian accent, “Godmother, I have no time today, husband have scalp infection from toupee made in China and I must run home to make soup.”  At this the Godmother retorted, “Olga, boobala, the soup can wait, let me pick your brain for a moment.”  At this Olga nervously sat down and the Godmother continued, “ What do you know about a certain mah jongg game in Sheepshead bay?”

Olga channeling Sergeant Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes replied, “ I know nothing! I know nothing about this!”  Francine leaned into the Godmother and whispered in her ear, “She knows Ma, I can see it in her eyes, those Russians stick together.”  The Godmother whispered back, “ There are ways to make her talk.”  At this point Olga got up, noisily pushed her chair back and said strongly, “ With all due respect Godmother, I hear what you say, you cannot push me around.  I am strong proud woman from Russia, now you listen to me, If we want to play mah jongg, we play mah jongg! We don’t need permission from a so called Jewish Godmother!”   The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a challah knife.  Olga stood there defiantly, but if you looked closely enough, you could see the corner of her upper lip twitching…

The Godmother cleared her throat, and started whimsically humming. She bent down and reached into her purse and pulled out a nearly empty toothpaste tube.  Francine gasped, “Ma! Not the toothpaste!”  Olga asked,

 “ What is that, a toothpaste tube?”  The Godmother, holding up the tube replied, “ Yes, an EMPTY toothpaste tube!”  

“ So, what are you gonna do with it Ma?” said Francine. The Godmother replied, “I’m gonna throw it into the garbage can, it’s empty!”  Olga, falling back into her seat cried out, “ Empty? This is not empty, there must be 10 or 12 good brushes left in the tube!”  

The Godmother then walked towards the garbage can and Olga reached out to her, “Just start from end and roll up! No please, give it to me, I will find it good home.” The Godmother, opened the lid to the garbage can, she said, ”I have a good home for it right here.” Olga dropped to her knees and clasped her hands together as if in prayer and lamented, “How could you do this, in old country we didn’t have toothpaste, we used soap scum from tub after father take bath.” The Godmother, dangled the toothpaste over the garbage and said,

“ Does anyone want to say a few words for the dearly departed toothpaste?” Olga shrieked something unintelligible in Russian and then finally said, “ Oh, you evil Cossack, Ok, Ok, you break me, I tell you everything, just give me toothpaste!” The Godmother then handed the toothpaste over to her and Olga sighed with relief, holding the toothpaste tube to her chest. The Godmother sat down and said, “ Now talk!”

Olga calmly spilled the beans, “This game you speak of is held in back room of the Ballsy Bolshevik Bowling Alley on Sheepshead Bay road. Every Tuesday night at 7pm. Password for backroom is Putin on the Ritz! Bring your own vodka, BYOV. Bowling alley is only a front.” Francine turned to the Godmother and said, “Ma, what are you gonna do?” The Godmother then turned to me, “Jose! Bring in the big guns! This is a job for Avi!” At that moment, I went to get Avi, the dishwasher at the deli, also a former Israeli Mossad commando. He came in with his Uzi on his back and wearing his usual camouflage gear, sunglasses, rubber gloves and an apron. (He tries to avoid dishpan hands). The Godmother wrote the address of the Ballsy Bolshevik Bowling Alley on a deli napkin stained with spicy brown mustard, handed it to Avi and said, ‘ Here’s the address, it’s the back room, you know what to do!” Avi quickly memorized the address on the napkin then proceeded to eat it. Avi then spoke in their special code, “Eh, should I give them the ‘tickle?’” The godmother shook her head. Then Avi proceeded, “Eh, should I give them the ‘noogie?’” The Godmother said,

“ No! The ‘nipple twist’, followed by the ‘atomic wedgie.’” Avi said, “ Eh, first I finish making pots and pans sparkling clean, eh, then I go on my mission.” With that, the decision was made, no more would be of the mah jongg illegal ring. It was dissolved that very night. With that my friends, I will leave you be. Until next time, this is Jose Flores de las Gutierrez Perez de Fernandez de Leon de Jesus. #jewishgodmother #bubbie #funnyjews #jewishmafia #mahjongg #sheepsheadbay #brooklyn #deli #bowling