During these trying times we should be more willing to break away from our self serving tendencies, and extend the courtesy of offering help to those less fortunate than ourselves.
Hola Amigos and welcome back. I must say that we were all relieved when El Diablo was dispelled from the deli and life was back to normal. The Godmother returned to her responsibilities of solving the problems of her fellow Brooklynites and it was business as usual. Today I would like to tell you about the “Mona Lisa Horowitz incident.” She was a Jewish-Italian girl with quite the conundrum.
One morning The Godmother was happily rolling quarters from her recent Ma Jong game winnings. Suddenly, her daughter Francine ran into the deli in a panic. She was trying to catch her breath as she spoke, “Ma, I gotta tell you something, you’ll want to hear this!”
The Godmother was annoyed, “Wait, wait, you know I don’t like to be interrupted when I’m counting profits!”
Francine answered anxiously, “Ma, this is important! You remember Mona Lisa Horowitz don’t you? She was in last week.”
“Rabbi Horowitz’s daughter?” replied the Godmother. “Of course I remember her! She is the only girl in Brooklyn who can make Panettone from a loaf of Challah! But boy does she have problems. With genetic predispositions like that, I could make an entire living with her as my only client! Don’t get me started!”
Francine answered, “Yes, her. You know she came to you because she had a problem with her landlord?”
“Yes I know,” The Godmother said as she continued to count quarters. “She has too many cats. I told her I would fix it for her and I would pay a visit to her landlord.”
“Well things got a little more heated and apparently she was getting very close to being evicted! I suppose she got desperate and she went elsewhere for advice.” said Francine.
The Godmother’s interest was peaked…..
The Godmother stopped counting, “Who else could she go to? I deal with all of the problems in Brooklyn.”
Francine replied with trepidation, “Well you know her mom is Italian, so she decided to skip boroughs and went to the Bronx for a second opinion!”
Godmother put the coins down and slowly stood up, “What are you saying? No one crosses boroughs on my watch!”
“Ma, she went to see Don Bustamonte and he gave the landlord an offer he couldn’t refuse!” cried Francine.
My friends, let me explain. Rudolfo Massimo Bustamonte was the head of the last remaining Mafia family in New York City. Unlike The Jewish Godmother, he was a man of few words. He wielded an enormous amount of power throughout the Bronx and beyond. They say his family was responsible for the New York Mets winning the world series in 1986 and for the downfall of the “beanie baby” craze. It is rumored that he proposed a new idea for 2 Mafioso themed beanie babies, “Tony the Fish” and “Fat Paulie the Walrus” and they turned him down.
The Don, at 65 years young, was virulent, tall and considered quite the lady’s man. He was always dressed for success and his nickname was “Rudy the Romantic.”
The Godmother couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “She went to The Godfather? That spumoni loving shyster? How dare he overstep his boundaries! This disrespect will not be tolerated.” She then turned to me, “Jose’, get the Lincoln, we’re going to The Bronx!”
I looked at The Godmother sheepishly, “What are you going to do Don Bubbieberger?”
The Godmother screamed, “I’m gonna clean his clock, that’s what I’m gonna do! Better yet, I’ll clean his Cannolli!” Her proclamation was heard throughout the deli as she swung her arm across the table sending hundreds of quarters flying through the air like a swarm of locusts. Customers cowered under the tables as she stormed out the front door.
Next time we meet my friends, I will tell you what happened next. Adios!
Italian and Yiddush word glossary:
Pannetone: A sweet Italian cake/bread traditionally eaten during Christmastime
Challah: A Jewish traditional egg bread eaten on the Sabbath
Spumoni: a molded gelato with colorful layers containing candy and nuts
Shyster: a person who uses unscrupulous methods in business
When we last wrote this story, we were explaining about the oddities of our local cat shelter. If you did not happen to read part 1, scroll to the end of this post, and get caught up! We will explain now how we started to suspect that this place could also be a rehabilitation program or halfway house for people.
The zebra print bedding 😁
Over the year and 1/2 of volunteering after school with our daughters, we got to know just about everyone who worked there. While it was the staff that handled the day to day operations, the full time volunteers were in charge of all the extracurricular activities, events, library books, competitions, productions, etc. (things that were completely unnecessary to run a shelter). The staff of the Cat Cottage seemed to have their wits about them, but the full time volunteers we deemed otherwise. As time went on, we noticed that they were very quirky, socially inept, some twitched, others kept scratching their faces (much like an addict would) and we were convinced furthermore when we heard someone from the staff mentioning that there were a few volunteers from a local 12 step program. These people were so wonderful with the animals, yet acted so oddly. It was obvious they were wrought with issues. We started to formulate a theory on our own that the volunteers were actually there as a form of rehabilitation, versus being there to aid the cats! It almost seemed to us that the cats were being used as a tool to give these wayward people purpose and take their minds off of their issues. It was a hunch, but it seemed so plausible.
Love
For instance, One older gentleman was in charge of the color coordination in the rooms, from time to time he went through the hallways with a clipboard checking to make sure that colors were not mixed. Another woman would go from room to room interviewing cat socializers because she was making assessments for the honorable mentions we spoke of in our earlier post. She would pass out ballots, and we would be asked to vote! There was a large committee in charge of the full scale productions put on the entertain the cat “residents.” Also, the library was monitored very closely by at least 5-6 volunteers. Does one actually believe that colorblind animals would even care about which colored room they are housed in? Were the cats actually competing for honorable mentions? Most of the cats slept through the productions! Often when our girls read to the cats, the cats walked away and started to lick their behinds! And does a cat actually get in trouble for not returning a library book? So much goes into operating an animal shelter to begin with; raising funds, purchasing food and litter, procuring veterinarian services, running a volunteer program, maintenance of the building, etc. Why add all these ‘fakakta’ things that do absolutely nothing to benefit the cats?
Time for yoga with kittens!
We could only conclude one thing: it was for the humans! Honestly, think about it, it gave these people purpose, they loved the cats and it kept them busy. The cats were therapeutic! The real staff were the ones who kept the place running. We have no proof whatsoever if our theory is correct, however, this is the way we like to think of it! To this day, we still remain convinced; wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were right? After all, we were just two up and coming middle aged Jewish women, what did we know from this?
Team Follow Through 
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