If you need to get caught up, click here to read The Dueling Dons part 2
Hola Amigos, I’m sorry to have kept you in suspense all this time. When we last met The Godfather was kissing The Godmother’s hand in his “office” in the back room of Via Roma’s Pizzeria. He seemed to be so captivated with Don Bubbieberger that he couldn’t control himself!
The Godfather had been struck right in the tuchus by cupid’s arrow. His kisses slowly went up Don Bubbieberger’s arm and when he got past the crook of her elbow she reared back and gave him such a slap on the noggin. The Godfather fell back in his chair and was softly singing what sounded like the Italian love song That’s Amore. “How dare you,” barked the Godmother, “no one kisses my arm without my consent.” She turned to me and asked, “Did I give consent?” I shook my head. As she used the tablecloth to wipe his kisses off of her arm she declared, “No consent, no amore!”
“Then how do I get this consent?” Don Bustamonte inquired desperately. She grabbed his face in her hands, looked into his eyes and stated, “You have to earn it, besides, I only let Jewish men kiss me!” As she started to gather herself to leave, I rushed up front to order a couple slices of Via Roma’s famous pizza. I figured if I am going to have to deal with all of this drama, I deserved it. As I was handed my take out treat, the Godmother came bursting out the door, turned around and yelled back at the Godfather, “You’re gonna stay outta Brooklyn and you’re gonna stay outta my Spanx!” We then got into the Lincoln and planned to never see the Godfather again.
Meanwhile, days later it was business as usual at the deli. The Godmother was busy dealing with Rita Goldfarb’s latest issue. Rita felt she was overcharged by Stu Botchnick’s Plumbing Service. The Godmother sent her enforcer Avi to give Stu an atomic wedgie right up his plumber’s crack. It was so lethal, that he gave Rita a free toilet installation.
So as you can see all was well and good in Brooklyn, but back in The Bronx a storm was brewing. For Don Bustamonte was not a man who would give up so easily. He was going to do whatever was necessary to win the heart of our dear Don Bubbieberger. I knew that they came from 2 different worlds, how could love possibly prevail? He smokes stogies and she smokes whitefish. He fires a pistol and she fires kitchen staff. He plays the horses and she plays Mah Jongg. He eats meatballs and she eats matzah balls.
How could this ever work?
Well my friends, let me tell you. Don Bustamonte hired a skywriter to write “Surrender Sylvia” across the Brooklyn sky. Through means only a Godfather could use, he found out about her favorite flower, and he had the whole back room of the deli filled with ruby begonias. Neither of these things fazed The Godmother it seemed. But, I heard that he hired a Genealogist to scour his family tree in search of any potential Jewish roots. Lo and behold, he found out that his great great grandmother was of the “Hebrew” persuasion. With the knowledge of his Jewish blood, he hired a Mashgiach to make the pizzeria’s kitchen kosher. He had his pizza chef start making a special pizza bagel and added lox as one of the toppings. Sausage and pepperoni were stricken from the menu. Everyone thought he was losing his mind, but he didn’t care. The heart wanted what the heart wanted.
My friends, that is all for now. The next time we meet you will find out if the Godfather “makes a deal” to win the Godmother’s heart. Will the Godmother choose Don Bustamonte, or Door #2?
Yiddush Word Glossary:
*tuchus: butt or rear end
*mashgiach: a jew who supervises the kosher status of an establishment
Team Follow Through 
Oy….genealogy can cause a bittle trouble. But hey sometimes the right persuasion is all the heart needs.
Being Italian and Jewish is nothing nu. And well the argument could be made that anyone can be something and not all that good at it. I knew a gal who almost became Jewish – for her love… but the family said nada. Her argument was if I can be a Christian and not follow the rules I could also be Jewish and not follow the rules.
And hey anyway didn’t someone say rules where only guild-lines that were meant to be argued and maybe even broken?
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I’ve learned that Jews have a long history in Italy. Rabbi Barbara Aiello is an Italian Jew. She has made it her life’s work to help Italians uncover their Jewish roots. And yes, some people see rules as merely guidelines. Spend a day in Israel as a passenger in someone’s car! Traffic laws are “suggestions” 😂
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Went to Italy once with my Hubby when he was on business…. Italian traffic is the same. One could ask does one drive on the left or the right side of the road and the answer is “both”. 🙂
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