Part of the Jewish Godmother series….
For those of you who are unfamiliar with our beloved Jewish Godmother, you can read parts 1-4 of our introduction series on this blog.
Hello my friends, it is me, Jose’, here to tell you what happened with The Jewish Godmother and The Devil. Last time I told you that he offered her a chance to become more powerful, in exchange for her soul. It was a lot for our dear Don Bubbieberger to take in. So, maybe it happened as a result of the stress or maybe it was because of some “devilish” intervention, but Don Bubbieberger and I both came down with a nasty bug. Usually when this happens, her operations slow down and she is forced to deal with things through Google chat, or I assist her daughter Francine in running the business. Well this time, The Godmother and I were bedridden and quarantined. The only thing that kept us alive was the chicken soup from the deli that Francine brought up to us every day. She assured us that everything was running smoothly and it was business as usual.
But was it?
After 5 miserable days we were finally on the mend and ready to go back to the deli. Upon arrival, we noticed the blue tablecloths were replaced with black lace. Red curtains hung from the windows and we smelled a hint of sulfur. Every table had a hookah pipe on it and the waitresses were scantily clad. There were strangers lined up at the counter. The Godmother took it all in, and screamed, “What has happened to my beautiful deli, this place looks like an opioid den joined forces with a brothel!” She then grabbed my arm, and we stormed to the back office behind the Chinatown screen.
The Godmother was going to get to the bottom of this!
We found Francine sitting at the Godmother’s table staring at her laptop intently. The Godmother cried, “Francine, you betta explain to me what is going on around here!” Francine said, “Ma, isn’t this great? Business is booming ever since we hired that guy you brought in.” Godmother replied, “What guy are you referring to?” At that Francine answered, “Luke, of course, he was in the other day to see you, remember? He gave the deli a makeover, the kitchen is humming, new delicacies are on the menu and the employees are happier. Also, business is booming, look at the books, and besides, Luke has such dreamy eyes, what a charmer!” I couldn’t believe what I saw next; the Godmother gave Francine a hard ‘patsch’ on the top of her head! “Listen, Francine, the Godmother said very sharply, “There is something you gotta know about this Luke fellow, but first I need to know, where is he now?” Francine answered timidly, “He’s right behind you ma!” Suddenly, as if out of nowhere was El Diablo.
The Godmother turned around and the devil said to her in his hypnotizing voice, “It’s so nice to see you Sylvia, you are looking so well with color in your cheeks.” The Godmother was enraged, “Speaking of color, what have you done with the drapes and the tablecloths, what gives you the right to take over while I’m gone? What have you done to my business?” The devil answered, “I’ve only made it better my dear, revenue at the deli has tripled, your influence has reached further throughout Brooklyn and to other boroughs, and I have secured for you a cut of the very profitable Shmurah Matzah business.” When she heard that, she responded with a puzzled look in her eyes, “How did you get those ‘Chassids’ to agree to that? I’ve been trying to infiltrate them for years.” “Well, I gave them an offer they couldn’t refuse,” he said with a slight chuckle. Francine looked smitten as she chimed in, “He can be very persuasive.”
That’s when the devil put Godmother under his spell:
And persuasive he was! The Godmother seemed to calm down as she started to read the new menu items under her breath, “Cauliflower crust pizza… Devils food cake… Gluten free bagels… Deviled eggs…What kind of garbage is this…but if it’s bringing the people in, I guess it’s ok…..” She softened a bit and started to agree to the idea of the devil helping her.
But all of a sudden, the Godmother’s eyes narrowed as she stared more intently at the menu and it felt like the air got sucked out of the room. She grabbed my wrist tightly and said, “Everybody, get out, I need a moment to take this all in, talk amongst yourselves.” As everyone filed out of the back room, she pointed to an item on the menu. I read it aloud, “Bacon topped deviled eggs.” Oh no, the devil brought traif into the deli, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The Godmother instantly broke out of the devil’s spell and came back into reality. She turned to me with frantic eyes and said, “We gotta do something about this, we gotta put an end to this, but I am not powerful enough to have a standoff with the devil. What will I do? Who can I call upon? Who is strong enough to go against such an evil opponent?”
I replied, “Godmother, you may not be strong enough, but I know who is.” At that moment, we looked at each other and whispered in unison, “Ruth Esther!” Godmother directed me, “Jose’! Bring the Lincoln around to the front, we are busting my mother out of the nursing home!”
So my dear readers, the next time we meet I will tell you how the devil was defeated!!
Yiddush and Hebrew word glossary: *Chassids = Chassidic Jews *Traif= non kosher food *Shmurah Matzah: matzah made under special supervision *patsch: a smack
(You can Click on our team follow through link or the related posts below to view Jewish Godmother parts 1-4)
I do love your Jewish Godmother series. Keep up the great work!
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Thank you so much! Thanks for telling me… you are too kind
There are pieces of people… their attitudes that I can see in some of my relatives (most of which have gone may they rest)… I even had an Ester!
Get out the magic Hamentasin with extra prunes and feed that to the Horned One… 😉 Or maybe not. I’m sure you’ve got a few good ideas!
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Lol, as we are writing this, we say the same thing about the people we are all related to. Magic hamentaschen is a great idea! Thanks for commenting 😀
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I still have all of my marbles – though some may be chipped and tarnished 😉
…and you know some of the Italian side… They could help too? …um not that I know much, but weren’t thee ‘Mob’ in control of most of the trash collections…. a pair of cement goulashes… could be helpful for at least a temporarily stall 😉